I was just looking at the last time I've done a post and saw it was on Wednesday, but then the last post after that was on the 15th March. I love Blogging! I am finding it my ultimate past time/hobby. I like writing about things that I have enjoyed, things that I have done and generally everything.
You can say, the mere fact of writing is one of my favourite things to do and the fact I can type and it is much faster than using a pen and paper makes it even more enjoyable. Although I still prefer to use pen and paper, it is just generally more quicker on the keypad. I will never change my ways when it comes to writing in my journal.
A few years back, I used to be terrified of writing or showing people what I have written. I've always been a shy person and someone with lots of insecurities. I am still. My head would be filled with ideas, dreams and anything my imagination would take me. I would normally think about something philosophical and still I would never written it down. Even to this day, I struggle to write down my thoughts about the world and humanity, in fear of it being read.
That being said, I have made some progress. I have been writing in a journal since I was a young teenager, after reading a book my Grandfather gave me for Christmas or my birthday and it was in context of someone writing in a journal. Inspired, I have started my very own journal and have carried on since then. Sadly, all my teenage journals up to the age of 17 have been destroyed. It wasn't until six years ago, my imagination started making something fun. I would have dreams nightly and ideas every other day. I started having the confidence to talk about them in front of my friends, mother and colleagues. Not one of them judged me, in fact they encouraged me to start writing these ideas and dreams down. I have been ever since. But I still avoided showing people what I have written. Writing and drawing has become bigger than what it has been since leaving school.
Then three years ago, I read a blog post from Zoella. Original, I know, but in that post Zoe wrote about 'saying yes' more and stepping outside your comfort zone. I actually think it was to do with a piece of jewellery she brought that said 'yes' on it. Or something. That post had inspired me to start writing my very own Blog and I don't think I have never enjoyed doing something so much. Even now with a new Blog, under a new name I am still loving it.
One year, I was confident enough to write something and share with a friend I was talking to on Facebook, it recieved a huge response from him and even after I shown it to my mother a few months later, she did her slight nod of the head approval. Which is enough to show confidence that, when I do write it is OK.
Sadly however, I am still plagued with the fear of wanting to write about things I would like to add to this Blog.. I'm comfortable writing about products, make-up, fashion, reviews and generally a daily life. As that is what is normal on the internet, people all around the world enjoy reading and hearing about a new product that everyone should try. Why do you think I am so much in love with Lush, other than the fact the staff there are just so NICE!!!
Now, as I want to make my writing become a huger aspect of my life. I am still terrified to share it all with the world. I would love to share my characters, my world, my philosophical outlook on life. I'm just terrified on what people will make of it.
Recently, my fear has become so pronounced I have even stopped writing on here and in my journal. I have felt like I have given up on life, only accepted life on auto-pilot and unhappiness because it is what I know best. Procrastinating at its finest, because it is too scary to work hard and attempt to achieve the dream I want.
A reply from someone on Tumblr telling me to follow my own advice and many Blog post from other Bloggers ( which I am so obsessed in reading), has made me come to the decision to start embracing my fear.
I am actually terrified to publish this post, because of what I want to say next.
I want to start posting my ideas; my characters, my stories, drabbles and anything philosophical.
Give me time, but by hitting the publish button and telling you people. I will be working towards the next step and share with you.
(Please be aware, I am not saying I think I am a good writer. It is something I love so much and would like to share with you. I am writing this post more for myself and if it inspires and encourages you too, then that is just an added bonus.)
Rose.
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